How to Talk With Children About the Death of a Loved One?

Losing anyone of your family, loved ones or close relatives is indeed very upsetting. When it comes to children, this issue turns out to be more acute and awful. Reactions related to common grief in kids often vary depending on many factors comprising clinging, crying, appetite loss, sleeplessness, etc.

Noteworthy, kids' behaviour often relapses if their feelings are not clearly verbalised. Communicating with them about the departed person is a good way to avoid this. But if confused, find out how to talk to your child about the death of a loved one.

Telling your kid about the demise of a loved one in the family is probably one of the most difficult tasks you have to do in your life. Mentioned below are some key tips which parents should follow to convey news about the death of a beloved and adored person to their children:

• Be Caring to Use Simple Words: There is no telling how your kids might react after hearing the bad news about the death of their loved one. Therefore, you need to express that sorrowful thing with care and calmness. Instead of saying anything directly, you can tell them in simpler words like, 'I have to tell something to you, 'Grandpa is no more'. Subsequent to this, if they ask where the deceased person went, you can tell 'Grandpa is in a better place' or 'Grandpa has now become a star'. After expressing the news about the death of a beloved person, give them some time to ingest your words.
• Check Reaction and Act Accordingly: The reaction to hearing the death news of a beloved person varies from one kid to another. Some children will burst into tears, some will ask questions, while some will show no reaction at all. However, a varying reaction in them is not the factor since they are all kids, and their level of maturity and feelings about death are yet to be developed. If your child starts crying, be patient and give them comfort by hugging them warmly. If they ask you something, answer them calmly. If you also cry while answering their questions, it is alright.
• Share Feelings and Comfort Your Child: After knowing the news about the death of their beloved, your kids may get such a mental shock that they may find it difficult to speak out about anything and express their feelings. During this time, you can have some conversations with them and share their feelings. This can make them express their feelings to you. Furthermore, you can say some good things about the deceased person and comfort them by saying, ‘I am beside you for all time’. Your compassionate words will make them feel secure and protected.
• Get Involved in Different Activities Together: Taking part in several small and fascinating activities gives your children some distraction by which they can cope with the grief of losing their loved one. You can encourage your kid to watch a movie with you, read out a poem, sing, choose a song to be played, show them some old photographs, and so on. Make sure to accompany your child in such activities. By doing so, they will be able to get some relaxation from the grief.
• Provide Comfort and Reassure the Child: If you find that your child is getting upset and crying due to their grief, always comfort them. Let them express their feelings so that they can vent out their pain and sorrow. Many children suffer from sleeplessness and often get frightened due to severe mental strain and anxiety. For this, you need to spend time with them by giving extra care and affection. If the issues go beyond control, consult a counsellor.

Children grieve very differently from adults if a loved one passes away. Since their ability to express their feelings and thoughts are limited, it is manifested through their behaviours and reactions. The mode of grieving depends on various factors such as age, mental development, relationship with the individual who has died, previous experiences of death, how they see others grieve, the support system around them, etc.

• How Do Toddlers (0-2 Years) Grieve?

Babies or toddlers have no idea about death. When a baby loses someone who plays a vital role in their nurturing, they tend to experience being neglected, insecure and feel like losing someone who is most desired. The common expression of their grieving includes irritability, excessive crying, searching for the individual who cares, being apprehensive with strangers around, refusing to get fed by others, loss of playfulness etc.

• How Do Children of Preschool Grieve?

Kids of preschool standard mostly do not believe that death is anything permanent and keep on asking when the person they have lost will come back. As they often see comic book or cartoon characters come alive even after being severely wounded or dead, they often believe that in a similar way, their loved one will come back any time.

• How Do School-Aged Youngsters Grieve?

When it comes to school children, losing their loved one is extremely shocking and sorrowful which makes them feel lonely and saddened. Typically these children may ask several strange questions like what happens after death, what happened to their beloved person's body, and so on. Among these children, several reactions that may arise can include reluctance to go to school, not taking part in daily activities, getting inattentive, blaming themselves for the demise of the deceased person, physical problems, and so on.

• How Do Teenagers Grieve?

Since teenagers are much more mature than kids, they can understand the matter of death better. When it comes to teenagers, they will come across severe pain and sorrow for losing their loved one, and they may feel uncomfortable with their family and friends to share and seek support. To escape the level of distress in them, some teenagers show anger, impatience and unhappiness. Some of the common reactions among teenagers include isolation, feeling unsafe, guilty, getting inattentive in studies, and so on.

The following are common symptoms that may arise among children after losing their loved person:

• Clinginess
• Sleeplessness
• Academic problems
• Developmental deterioration
• Anxiety
• Inattentiveness
• Loneliness
• Changes in behaviour
• Guilt

Mentioned below are the key approaches one needs to follow in order to protect their child’s mental health after the demise of a loved one:

• Help a Child Feel Loved, Secured, and Cared: Losing their loved ones is undoubtedly very painful, especially when it comes to kids. For this, helping them feel secure, expressing affection and love are useful approaches to lessen stress. When they feel your care for them, it may act as a natural healing for their grief. Also, you can make changes in regular routines to include increased companionship, like having a meal together, telling a story at bedtime, and so on.
• Develop Coping Skills in Your Child: You can help your children develop some coping skills so that they can manage the sorrow on their own and feel better. Children ranging from kids to teenagers can learn and perform simple exercises alongside deep breathing and meditation.
• Help Them to Get Relief from Stress: You can encourage your kids to take part in sports, painting, reading books, singing, or playing an instrument, in order to distract their minds. By doing so, your kids may come out of their stress. Furthermore, make sure to spend some time with them, talk, give importance to their feelings, and so on.
• Spend Quality Time With Your Child: You should spend plenty of time together with your kids and have some normal conversations with them. Furthermore, you can take your kids to their favourite places such as amusement parks, music concerts, art galleries, sea beaches, and so on. All these things will arouse positive feelings inside them, thereby reducing their stress.
• Take the Help of a Therapist: Remember that strain and trauma can make your children feel anxious, sorrowful, and affect their physical and emotional being as well as academic performance. This is why you need to motivate your kids so that they can feel confident and spirited. If they get extremely traumatised by the mental grief of losing their loved one, consult a therapist without any delay.

The above discussions will help you understand how to talk to your child about the death of a loved one. Keep in mind that when it comes to kids, grief can even cause severe developmental issues. This is why, as soon as you notice something wrong in your kid, take the necessary precautions and consult a counsellor immediately if required.